It is impossible to do anything without feeling like you're letting someone down. It is hard to realize that you cannot be everything to everyone all at once. I have had to work a lot lately. Sometimes it is satisfying and fulfilling, but working so much means I have had to give up other things I love. Life goes in ebbs and flows... The tables will likely turn soon. I can't seem to do anything without feeling like I am letting people down. Maybe part of the problem is that I try to be such an integral part of organizations I'm in that it is obvious when I am gone. Perhaps my absence is not actually that important. Either way, I feel bad that I have had to let go of a commitment. In addition to feeling bad because it is something I enjoy, I feel like I'm letting my friends down. What it comes down to right now is that I need time for myself. I barely have enough time in the day to get some work accomplished and stay afloat. When I become too involved in work, I lose myself completely. I need to make sure that I have time to do the simple things. Sometimes it appears that is impossible to convince others I am human. Sometimes it is difficult to convince people that their emergencies and their needs are not my emergencies or my needs. Sometimes I need to take care of myself first. I rarely consider my needs before those of others, which is a huge flaw. That flaw has led me to attempts to fix something that was never fixable. That flaw has also attributed largely to a feeling of unhappiness in past relationships. If you feel that I've let you down, please accept my apologies. Right now I'm preserving my sanity by limiting the number of things on my plate.
3 comments:
That is what I've been saying lately. I am having difficulty keeping it all together because the tentacles of others reach out and appear to need me or something I can buy.
Take care of yourself. If you don't then nothing else matters.
Love you dearly, Mom
You're totally right. The biggest thing for me, especially at work, is trying to impart on people that their emergencies are not my emergencies. People get selfish and stuck on this idea that what they're doing is more important than what others have going on. They want me to solve their problems immediately despite the fact that I'm working to get my stuff done.
I have that problem.... had to spend time with a friend telling her why her choice to be passive aggressive backfired on ME. I also said it has to stop. We will see. I'm tired. Did I mention I as tired? Love you, Mom
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